Short Fall

While this post may seem strange to the younger set, my older readers will probably recognize the truth in what I say. With this caveat in mind….

As all us older versions of homo sapiens know, we shrink as we get older. Unfortunately, this is usually in height rather than in girth. I was once nearly 5’10” and now am but a mere 5’6″ tall. At the same time, I had a 32″ waist that has grown somewhat until it is a modest 41″.

Okay, I’m working on it! Walking two miles a day, eating fewer carbs, and all that.

The thing is, I take steps that are too long. I jar my joints. My knees suffer. I often place my foot down in midair, almost as if I’ve forgotten where the ground is. Of course, I’m thinking, my legs did use to be much longer, and here my brain is behaving as I were 4″ taller. I watch other men. They seem to be shuffling, head slightly forward, shoulders bent. I want to stop them and tell them that they are responding the wrong way to this perplexing problem. The solution is to imagine that you’re walking downhill and bend your back leg ever so slightly–putting the spring back into your step, so to speak. John Cleese had the right of it, even if he was just trying to be funny. Remember how he walked? Something like a slightly drunken duck?

Try it. Young women will smile at you, assuming you’ve reached the harmless age of senility. Try to look smug. After doing this no more than twenty minutes or so, you will find that you are standing straighter, pounding the pavement less, and generally looking less old. (I deliberately avoided saying you will look younger because you wont.)